1 00:00:04,178 --> 00:00:05,831 We are back, baby. 2 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,920 Y'all got snacks and couches? 3 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,792 ♪ It's Monday night ♪ 4 00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:12,012 ♪ Can I get an amen? ♪ 5 00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:15,145 ♪ Then seven days later, it's Monday again ♪ 6 00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:16,973 ♪ Hey, the rest of the week ♪ 7 00:00:17,191 --> 00:00:19,236 ♪ Let me make myself clear ♪ 8 00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:20,716 ♪ I'd light my mom on fire ♪ 9 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:23,414 ♪ To make it Monday all year ♪ 10 00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:25,547 Tell us what your favorite night is, girl. 11 00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:28,506 ♪ Monday night in the US of A ♪ 12 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:30,508 What the hell is going on? 13 00:00:30,595 --> 00:00:32,075 Are you using my crew to shoot a music video? 14 00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:33,772 Yes. 15 00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:35,948 It's my new theme song for "Sunday Night Football." 16 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,863 Do you think they'll like it? - I mean, no, I don't. 17 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,517 Mostly because you kept saying Monday. 18 00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:41,214 You did. 19 00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:42,607 I didn't want to say anything, but you kind of did. 20 00:00:42,781 --> 00:00:44,174 Yeah, maybe you just got confused 21 00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:45,958 'cause tonight is Monday. 22 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,743 Oh, snap. My bad. 23 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,398 Good note. Everybody, back to one. 24 00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,313 You just gonna stand there or what? 25 00:00:56,665 --> 00:01:03,411 ♪ The Fall and Rise of Reggie Dinkins ♪ 26 00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:06,805 D, who you talking to? I heard a boy. 27 00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:09,156 No, Dad, I'm talking to Olivia-- 28 00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:11,332 Drama! No. 29 00:01:11,419 --> 00:01:13,203 Drama. 30 00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:17,077 Carmelo Dinkins is secretly dating Delilah Basmati. 31 00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:18,774 The Basmatis and Dinkinses 32 00:01:18,861 --> 00:01:21,516 are football's Montagues and Capulets-- 33 00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:24,432 Autobots and Decepticons for modern audiences. 34 00:01:24,562 --> 00:01:25,433 And when Reggie and Monica realize 35 00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:27,348 that their Romeo, or Bumblebee, 36 00:01:27,435 --> 00:01:29,479 is dating Jerry and Tisha's Juliet-- 37 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,004 Starscream-- 38 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,659 Look, Reggie has always been able to count on his family, 39 00:01:34,833 --> 00:01:36,096 through injuries, scandal, and even 40 00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:37,836 the ill-advised Kwanzaa album. 41 00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:41,013 ♪ On the Ujamaa day of Kwanzaa ♪ 42 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,320 ♪ My people gave to me ♪ 43 00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:47,281 ♪ Cooperative economics ♪ 44 00:01:47,455 --> 00:01:49,239 ♪ Bop, bop, do-bop, de-bop ♪ 45 00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:51,589 And now his only son has been taken into the bosom 46 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:54,070 of his greatest rival. 47 00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:58,509 I mean, talk about drama! 48 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,860 Bella, did the "ManningCast" ever get back to us? 49 00:02:01,947 --> 00:02:05,560 Oh, their assistant said they passed, so I sent flowers. 50 00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:10,565 Ugh, all my friends are dying. 51 00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:12,871 Of course, Reggie getting a few votes for the Hall 52 00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:14,351 didn't suddenly make everything go back 53 00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:16,136 to the way it was before his scandal. 54 00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:17,267 We didn't know how good we had it 55 00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:18,964 during the Bush presidency. 56 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,097 But some things have changed. 57 00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:24,579 Reggie's episode of "SNL" is finally up on Peacock. 58 00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:28,844 I'm also 50, Sally O'Malley. 59 00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:30,759 And I feel like Jet fans have started 60 00:02:30,889 --> 00:02:32,107 to chill out a little. 61 00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:33,544 Hey, Dinkins. 62 00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:35,807 I'm increasingly ambivalent about you. 63 00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:39,246 The tricky thing is capitalizing on all that, 64 00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:42,814 but I can't keep up with what's even a thing anymore. 65 00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,860 Yeah, Monica thought she booked me 66 00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:47,123 on Pablo Torre's sports podcast. 67 00:02:47,254 --> 00:02:50,909 But it turned out to be Julio Torres's... 68 00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:52,215 something. 69 00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:53,869 What do you think about the color clear? 70 00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:55,349 A lot. 71 00:02:55,479 --> 00:02:57,264 It was fun, but it didn't get me 72 00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:59,527 any closer to the Hall of Fame. 73 00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,485 Back in the day, we had a whole outside 74 00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:02,834 PR marketing firm. 75 00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:04,793 Now, I don't even have an assistant anymore. 76 00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:09,101 Late last night, Bella went to a farm upstate. 77 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,886 Oh, why did I say it like that? 78 00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,148 No, she really did. 79 00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:13,715 Her son lives in Bovina. 80 00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:15,499 She wanted to be closer to her grandkids. 81 00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:17,893 She's fine. 82 00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:19,199 We need help. 83 00:03:19,416 --> 00:03:20,983 I tried googling "How to get famous 84 00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:22,549 without having to be Steve Harvey." 85 00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:24,552 No one says google anymore, Reg. 86 00:03:24,682 --> 00:03:26,684 Now you say "search it up." 87 00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:28,991 - Is that true? - I don't believe you. 88 00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:31,907 Knock, knock, Mr. Tobin. 89 00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:34,431 I made your favorite-- warm beans, 90 00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:37,086 scalding hot tomatoes, two hard eggs, 91 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:40,437 blood meat, and some wet mushrooms. 92 00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:42,439 A proper English breakfast. Yums. 93 00:03:42,526 --> 00:03:46,095 Mm, but I know that you know 94 00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:48,663 that I know about you and your young lady. 95 00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:50,795 And you should also know that I cannot be bribed. 96 00:03:50,969 --> 00:03:54,930 OK. Well then, how about blackmail? 97 00:03:57,193 --> 00:04:00,196 I grew up with sisters, and I never learned the other way. 98 00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:02,111 And I was trying to tell you that I can't be bribed 99 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,765 because I'm not gonna say anything. 100 00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,027 Why? 101 00:04:05,157 --> 00:04:06,681 'Cause I don't have to. 102 00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:08,422 It's gonna come out eventually. 103 00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:12,687 I mean, what happens when you want to take her to prom? 104 00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:15,124 Or graduation? I know how this ends. 105 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,387 I, too, knew forbidden love when I was your age. 106 00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:18,910 She was the groundskeeper 107 00:04:18,997 --> 00:04:20,651 at the boarding school that I went to. 108 00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:22,392 And when the headmaster found our letters-- 109 00:04:22,523 --> 00:04:24,786 Physical letters? Like, with stickers on them? 110 00:04:24,873 --> 00:04:26,570 Stamps, yeah. 111 00:04:26,657 --> 00:04:29,181 I'm just saying, your families will find out sooner or later. 112 00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:30,835 And you and Delilah have to be prepared 113 00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:34,011 for the kind of intense, emotional scenes 114 00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:37,973 that would be very compelling in a trailer. 115 00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:41,803 So I'm meeting with assistants, 116 00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,934 and I'm a little overwhelmed. 117 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:45,981 I guess I shouldn't be surprised given the job market, 118 00:04:46,068 --> 00:04:48,200 but I've got computer science majors, 119 00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:50,115 out of work food safety inspectors, 120 00:04:50,246 --> 00:04:52,030 a bunch of Spirit Airline pilots, 121 00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:54,946 "CBS News" producers, vaccinated country singers. 122 00:04:55,077 --> 00:04:57,775 But, hey, if I can't afford a whole marketing department, 123 00:04:57,862 --> 00:05:00,604 maybe a with-it young assistant--nope. 124 00:05:00,735 --> 00:05:02,954 Can't legally say "young." 125 00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:06,741 An assistant that's only ever started a car like this. 126 00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:08,917 I'm pushing a button. Is that clear? 127 00:05:09,091 --> 00:05:11,267 OK, now my other hand is on the steering wheel. 128 00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:13,487 Does that read better? 129 00:05:13,574 --> 00:05:16,707 Maybe one of them can help me take this agency 130 00:05:16,881 --> 00:05:19,275 into the 21st century, which is already 131 00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:21,276 more than a quarter over. Holy-- 132 00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:22,539 Is this right? 133 00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,411 You have a master's in marketing? 134 00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:27,065 Yeah, I wrote my thesis on those Capital One commercials 135 00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:29,024 where Jennifer Garner is friends with Spike Lee 136 00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:30,112 and Charles Barkley. 137 00:05:30,286 --> 00:05:31,287 I read they live together. 138 00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:32,506 It's a polycule. 139 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,421 Look, I know I'm overqualified, 140 00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:37,249 but I am literally just looking for any opportunity 141 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,207 to show what I can do. 142 00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:40,122 OK. 143 00:05:40,296 --> 00:05:42,167 Then tell me what I'm doing wrong with Reggie Dinkins. 144 00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:44,692 I have cold-called every sports show, 145 00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:46,737 podcast, and celebrity cruise. 146 00:05:46,955 --> 00:05:48,348 I've even reached out to the Ad Council. 147 00:05:48,522 --> 00:05:49,871 Back in the '90s, Reggie's first 148 00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:52,047 national TV spots were PSAs. 149 00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:54,441 Y2K is coming! Bury your money in the woods! 150 00:05:57,922 --> 00:06:01,404 First of all, you need to stop trying to engage 151 00:06:01,535 --> 00:06:03,014 with the gatekeepers. 152 00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:05,321 They don't matter anymore. DM talent directly. 153 00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:06,975 They are on their phones 154 00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:08,672 way more than they're on their email. 155 00:06:08,759 --> 00:06:10,195 That's how I got Doechii to yarf 156 00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:11,936 into a Tux Clutch Mini on "Hot Ones." 157 00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:13,547 You're hired. 158 00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:18,203 Ugh, hang up your stuff, Carmelo. 159 00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:19,944 Ooh. 160 00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:22,077 I don't recognize this curl pattern. 161 00:06:22,294 --> 00:06:24,384 I'm 2C, 162 00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:28,343 Monica has braids, and Rusty is 3B. 163 00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:31,521 Oh. 164 00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,393 Come here, Carmelo. 165 00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:35,743 Hang on, hang on. 166 00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:40,095 Quick talking head? 167 00:06:40,182 --> 00:06:42,532 I think Carmelo may have hisself a little yeah, yeah. 168 00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:44,186 A secret girlfriend. 169 00:06:44,316 --> 00:06:46,014 Oh, wow, right. 170 00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:49,409 The family's Spotify is, like, all Kehlani now. 171 00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:50,888 Air Supply. - Oh, thank you. 172 00:06:51,062 --> 00:06:52,586 And based on the laundry, 173 00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:54,675 Carmelo started washing his ass. 174 00:06:54,805 --> 00:06:57,112 And so nobody in the family knows who this girl is? 175 00:06:57,199 --> 00:06:59,375 If I don't know, you know they don't. 176 00:06:59,549 --> 00:07:03,510 But I'm not gonna pry because I'm a cool stepmom, 177 00:07:03,597 --> 00:07:06,904 like Sheryl Lee Ralph in "Moesha." 178 00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:08,515 Allison Janney in "Juno." - Mm. 179 00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:10,125 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, of course. 180 00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:11,561 And, I mean, what would be the point? 181 00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,998 You probably wouldn't be able to figure it out anyway. 182 00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:16,784 Please, I could find a high school girl. 183 00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:20,875 Let's take a look at Carmelo's Venmo. 184 00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:23,747 OK, who you paying back for pizza with a heart? 185 00:07:23,878 --> 00:07:26,010 Click on her profile. 186 00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:27,882 Aww, she's cute. 187 00:07:27,969 --> 00:07:30,014 3C, just like I said. 188 00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:33,453 Reverse image search to find her Insta. 189 00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:36,368 Hold on. 190 00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:37,674 Why is she in so many pictures with-- 191 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:39,197 Oh, no. What do you see? 192 00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:40,677 Is that-- 193 00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:42,810 Jesus, Joseph, and the goddamn donkey. 194 00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:44,812 She's a Basmati? 195 00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:46,727 Ooh, I hope that boy get home safe from school 196 00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,423 so I can kill him! 197 00:07:48,424 --> 00:07:49,947 Ugh. - Drama. 198 00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:54,343 It's been a week since the Hall of Fame vote. 199 00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:56,998 And according to our new head of publicity, 200 00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:58,695 that's like a lifetime these days. 201 00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:01,132 It always has been for a lunar moth. 202 00:08:01,306 --> 00:08:03,918 But we haven't done anything to capitalize on this momentum. 203 00:08:04,005 --> 00:08:06,181 Um, exsqueeze you. 204 00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:07,835 I mean, I handle Reggie's socials, 205 00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:10,707 and four days ago, we posted this. 206 00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:12,796 We outside. 207 00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,972 That's a thing from COVID, and you're clearly inside. 208 00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:16,408 But what about the documentary? 209 00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:17,714 And when are people gonna see that? 210 00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,586 Like, a year from now? 211 00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:22,066 Yeah, if you want to rush it and end up with 212 00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:24,025 a "Jumbo the Elephant Dreams of Trees" on your hands. 213 00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:25,896 - A what? - Yeah, exactly. 214 00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:28,420 Reggie, we've got to get your face out there now. 215 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,466 Like, today. High-key. 216 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,337 I mean, people do like my face 217 00:08:32,424 --> 00:08:33,991 because I have a extra layer of skin. 218 00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,993 Ooh. 219 00:08:38,474 --> 00:08:39,606 Are you OK? 220 00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:41,433 I talked to Mr. Tobin-- 221 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,913 Oh, did you show him that video you took of him 222 00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:44,262 trying to get a key onto a key ring? 223 00:08:44,349 --> 00:08:47,178 Oh, come on. Please. 224 00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:48,876 Please. 225 00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:52,096 No, I didn't even have to get that far. 226 00:08:52,227 --> 00:08:54,229 He said he won't tell anyone. 227 00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:57,406 So what's the problem, Carmy Bear? 228 00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:00,888 I told you, he films everything. 229 00:09:01,018 --> 00:09:03,238 You ever watch that movie "Eagle Eye" with Shia Labeouf? 230 00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:04,935 I'm a teenage girl in 2026. 231 00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:06,981 I've seen the action thriller "Eagle Eye" 232 00:09:07,155 --> 00:09:08,896 starring Michelle Monaghan and Billy Bob Thornton. 233 00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:13,117 Well, he is Eagle Eye. 234 00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:16,468 That's just-- what is our plan here? 235 00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:18,906 I mean, our parents are gonna find out at some point. 236 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,299 We'll be more careful from now on. 237 00:09:21,386 --> 00:09:23,650 I was thinking for prom, I'll take my friend Brandon, 238 00:09:23,737 --> 00:09:25,042 and you take your friend Alice. 239 00:09:25,129 --> 00:09:26,827 And then at the dance, we switch. 240 00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:29,525 Because they both have face blindness. 241 00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:31,092 Oh, my God, you're like a-- 242 00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:33,094 like a genius. 243 00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:37,577 Hey. 244 00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,622 Why aren't you two answering your phones? 245 00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:41,405 'Cause we're doing what you asked, Monica. 246 00:09:41,406 --> 00:09:42,930 We're making content. 247 00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:44,975 I'm doing an unboxing video. 248 00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:47,543 It's air conditioning filters, fam. 249 00:09:47,717 --> 00:09:49,893 Max, tell Reggie the good news. 250 00:09:50,024 --> 00:09:52,026 Christ has risen? Girl, he been back. 251 00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:53,114 No. 252 00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:54,550 Mike Tirico agreed to interview you 253 00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:56,857 for his "Sunday Night Football" pre-pregame show. 254 00:09:56,987 --> 00:09:58,075 It tapes tomorrow. 255 00:09:58,162 --> 00:10:00,121 That's amazing. 256 00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:01,731 Who needs gatekeepers, am I right? 257 00:10:01,862 --> 00:10:04,560 I can't celebrate by doing the worm anymore, 258 00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:06,736 so vertical worm! 259 00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:08,520 - Go, Rusty! Go, Rusty! - If I could turn my head, 260 00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:10,174 it would be like you are on the ground. 261 00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:11,523 I'm sorry. 262 00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:13,438 DM'ing Mike Tirico was the easy part. 263 00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:14,962 Now we have to make this a thing 264 00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:16,354 that anybody would care about. 265 00:10:16,528 --> 00:10:19,140 Celebrity interviews, they're boring. 266 00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:22,665 Unless they're controversial. 267 00:10:22,796 --> 00:10:25,102 - Kanye. Got it. - Or have an animal. 268 00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:27,191 Moo Deng. Icon. 269 00:10:27,322 --> 00:10:28,671 Or sex. 270 00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,368 So any interview Seth Meyers does. 271 00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:32,153 Or heartwarming. 272 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,895 Controversial, animal, sex, heartwarming. 273 00:10:35,025 --> 00:10:37,071 C-A-S-H. - Cash. 274 00:10:37,201 --> 00:10:39,116 And if we hit more than one of those things-- 275 00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:41,031 Ooh, like Moo Deng in a bikini? 276 00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:43,555 You're not just doing an interview. 277 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,557 You're trending. - OK. 278 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,385 I could do controversial. 279 00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,997 They had to edit me out of Hugh Hefner's roast. 280 00:10:50,171 --> 00:10:51,520 And we have an animal we can use, 281 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,435 Rusty's ferret, Slinky. 282 00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:55,829 I think the people know about Slinky by now, Monica. 283 00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:57,961 I talk about her all the time. 284 00:10:58,048 --> 00:11:00,616 Ferrets love to play and explore. 285 00:11:00,703 --> 00:11:03,314 How much do you think Slinky is gonna be in the documentary? 286 00:11:03,445 --> 00:11:04,838 A lot, probably? 287 00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:09,669 OK, what's her name? 288 00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:11,192 I know you're seeing someone. 289 00:11:11,366 --> 00:11:14,412 Carmelo, you little Lil' Romeo. 290 00:11:14,586 --> 00:11:16,980 I want to meet this girl. What's her Insta? 291 00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:18,765 She doesn't have one. 292 00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:21,202 No... hands. 293 00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:23,770 Liar! Do you have a death wish? 294 00:11:23,857 --> 00:11:26,337 No, I--I didn't even know who she was when we met. 295 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:31,516 I guess we both got cones, huh? 296 00:11:31,647 --> 00:11:35,433 I guess you do too. 297 00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:36,739 Whatever. 298 00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:39,394 I forbid you from dating Delilah Basmati. 299 00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:41,526 No, I mean, it's not even that serious. 300 00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:43,441 We only hung out, like, a couple of times. 301 00:11:43,615 --> 00:11:45,443 A couple of times this week, maybe. 302 00:11:45,574 --> 00:11:48,098 They see each other every day after school. 303 00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:50,710 - You've been filming us? - You knew? 304 00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:52,015 Jail! 305 00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:54,061 No, space jail. - What's the difference? 306 00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:56,019 Space jail moves at the speed of light, 307 00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:57,717 so time goes slower. 308 00:11:57,891 --> 00:12:00,632 When your sentence is done, centuries have passed on Earth. 309 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,418 Everything you knew and everyone you loved is gone. 310 00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:04,636 No. 311 00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:06,551 Oh, and I have not forgot about you. 312 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,031 Brina! 313 00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:10,251 Don't "Brina" me. 314 00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,470 I'm eight years older than you. 315 00:12:12,601 --> 00:12:15,212 I was reading chapter books when you were still in diapers. 316 00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:16,692 What were you thinking? 317 00:12:16,866 --> 00:12:18,825 Things are finally going good for this family. 318 00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:20,870 I know. 319 00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:22,698 I just really like Delilah. 320 00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:24,613 Then end it, for her sake. 321 00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:26,963 If your parents find out, they will kill you. 322 00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:29,400 And they are the nice ones. - Wait. 323 00:12:29,531 --> 00:12:32,316 You can't date a Basmati. They're evil. 324 00:12:32,447 --> 00:12:34,884 Jerry and Tisha Basmati catfished me. 325 00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:37,757 And then I ran into Salma Hayek for real and kissed her, 326 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,933 and there was zero chemistry. 327 00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:42,109 - Wait, how do you know about-- - AC vent above the laundry 328 00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,719 connects to the one in your room. 329 00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:45,808 Wait, is that why sometimes you're crying late at night? 330 00:12:45,939 --> 00:12:48,115 No. No, it's not. 331 00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:49,725 No, but now all three of you are keeping 332 00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:50,987 a secret from Reggie. 333 00:12:51,074 --> 00:12:52,336 As am I. 334 00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:54,077 Perhaps we should rip the Band-Aid off 335 00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:55,557 and tell Reggie right now. 336 00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:56,863 - I will kick you so hard-- - Guantanamo space jail! 337 00:12:57,037 --> 00:12:59,300 No, no, no, I'll do it. 338 00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:00,867 I'll end it. 339 00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:05,001 Just promise me you guys won't tell my mom or my dad. 340 00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:06,916 OK, I won't. 341 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,135 And if you do hear crying, 342 00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:10,398 it's probably just the wind 343 00:13:10,572 --> 00:13:13,531 watching videos of old dogs eating birthday cakes. 344 00:13:13,662 --> 00:13:15,795 Reggie Dinkins, 345 00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:17,753 welcome back to "Sunday Night Football." 346 00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,102 It's been a minute. 347 00:13:19,276 --> 00:13:20,843 Yes. 348 00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:24,368 Thank you, football. 349 00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:27,371 Right before he went on, I handed Slinky to Reggie. 350 00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:29,939 But then I'm watching backstage and I'm like, 351 00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:31,506 where the hell is Slinky? 352 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:34,683 Ferrets love to play and explore, Monica. 353 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:38,078 So she went in my shirt and she explored everywhere. 354 00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:39,427 You're finally in the conversation 355 00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:40,776 for the Hall of Fame. 356 00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:43,518 How does that feel? 357 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:44,432 Slinky, stop. 358 00:13:44,606 --> 00:13:46,956 Ah! Ah! 359 00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:49,959 - Are you OK? - No! No! 360 00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:52,353 No, Slinky, stop! Bad Slinky! 361 00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:54,659 Oh, don't go in there, Slinky. 362 00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:56,313 Oh! 363 00:13:56,444 --> 00:13:58,620 I have to go now. Oh, oh. 364 00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,404 Oh! 365 00:14:00,535 --> 00:14:03,190 Well, that was unusable. 366 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:06,193 Now, we have five minutes to fill, 367 00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:09,979 but I promise it will be magic. 368 00:14:12,764 --> 00:14:14,027 Ooh. 369 00:14:20,207 --> 00:14:22,035 Do you really think they'd tell? 370 00:14:22,209 --> 00:14:24,080 The last time I saw Brina this mad 371 00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:26,778 was when Rihanna said she had news to drop, 372 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,042 and it ended up being another stupid pregnancy. 373 00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:31,044 I thought we had more time. 374 00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:33,350 But I think Gator overheard us on the phone the other day. 375 00:14:33,524 --> 00:14:35,178 Who? 376 00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:37,354 Gator is my dad's friend who lives in our pool house. 377 00:14:37,528 --> 00:14:38,921 He's like your Rusty, 378 00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:41,837 except his RealDoll eats dinner with us. 379 00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:45,188 I wrote a goodbye song for you. 380 00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:46,711 Can you give me a beat? 381 00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,583 Of course I can, Carmy Bear. 382 00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:58,071 ♪ On the edge of life ♪ 383 00:14:58,158 --> 00:15:01,639 ♪ Only you and me know what love is ♪ 384 00:15:01,726 --> 00:15:02,902 You're so dang talented. 385 00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:07,123 ♪ I'm gonna miss you, baby girl ♪ 386 00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:09,256 Boy, I wish I had a stepmom like you 387 00:15:09,386 --> 00:15:11,301 growing up instead of Shawna. 388 00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:14,304 All she cared about was my dad's body. 389 00:15:14,435 --> 00:15:17,307 Sometimes you gotta be a Maleficent. 390 00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:21,224 I love love, but I also love peace, OK? 391 00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:26,621 And you, acting all, 392 00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:28,188 "One doesn't know who the girl is. 393 00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:29,885 You simply must find out." 394 00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:32,192 "Who's your girl? What's her bloody identity?" 395 00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:33,454 All right, mate. 396 00:15:33,628 --> 00:15:35,673 I might have stirred the pot a little bit, 397 00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:38,198 but Carmelo and Delilah put the beans 398 00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:39,112 into that pot, all right? 399 00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:41,418 This is their chili. - Yeah. 400 00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:43,377 We should make chili. 401 00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:45,379 And I could have told Monica and Reggie, right, 402 00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:47,250 and made a big dramatic scene out of it, but I didn't. 403 00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:49,209 True. 404 00:15:49,339 --> 00:15:51,298 Good looking out. 405 00:15:51,472 --> 00:15:53,082 So do we want three bowls of chili 406 00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:56,694 or just one big bowl, three spoons? 407 00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:59,697 - Damn ferret. - I'm not mad at Slinky. 408 00:15:59,784 --> 00:16:01,743 I'm just disappointed. 409 00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:05,138 Ooh, I almost sat on the cake. 410 00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:08,489 Debra's party could have been ruined. 411 00:16:08,576 --> 00:16:11,883 God in heaven! 412 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,581 What are you guys doing here? 413 00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:15,975 I was on my way home when I realized I left my charger, 414 00:16:16,105 --> 00:16:18,803 and I only used the old kind-- no. 415 00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:21,632 What in the hell are you doing here? 416 00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:23,199 I'm trying to pay my rent. 417 00:16:23,373 --> 00:16:26,898 I only took this bum-ass minimum wage job 418 00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,988 so I'd have someplace to shoot my office party 419 00:16:29,118 --> 00:16:31,294 cake sitting vids for OnlyFans. 420 00:16:31,381 --> 00:16:33,470 It's called sploshing, young man. 421 00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:35,081 Wow. 422 00:16:35,255 --> 00:16:37,300 You are so fired. 423 00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:38,519 No, you know what? 424 00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:40,303 You don't get to judge me, OK? 425 00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:44,177 I live with eight roommates in Bushwick, 426 00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:46,048 'cause that's all I can afford. 427 00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:48,355 And now you're ruining my side hustle. 428 00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:50,270 Maybe if you all sit on the cake? 429 00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:54,056 Look, man, I don't care what you do to Monica's office, 430 00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:56,798 but the whole CASH thing blew up in my face, 431 00:16:56,928 --> 00:16:58,626 among other places. 432 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,585 Oh, you mean I don't have a secret cheat code 433 00:17:01,759 --> 00:17:02,934 for internet fame? 434 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,328 Uh, doy! Nobody does. 435 00:17:05,415 --> 00:17:07,200 Did you also lie about your résumé? 436 00:17:07,374 --> 00:17:10,333 No. And that's the problem. 437 00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:12,901 I am in so much debt 438 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,251 for an education that is useless now. 439 00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:17,949 I was the one who was lied to, Monica. 440 00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:21,214 My whole generation was, thanks to you boomers. 441 00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:23,216 - Hey, not cool. - We are Gen X. 442 00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:25,566 At least you guys knew maybe one day you could buy a home 443 00:17:25,696 --> 00:17:26,958 or, I don't know, afford kids 444 00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,787 or maybe even stop buying coffee on Klarna. 445 00:17:29,874 --> 00:17:31,702 The world is on fire! 446 00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:33,617 The ticks, they're winning! 447 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:36,620 And my sister's school just shut down because of measles. 448 00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:39,188 Yeah, measles are back! 449 00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:40,363 Thank you for that! 450 00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:50,591 Hey, Reggie. Bad day? 451 00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:54,377 You know, I used to think that Sisyphus guy 452 00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:56,901 in Latin class had it all figured out. 453 00:17:56,988 --> 00:18:00,427 He's got a job, getting his steps in. 454 00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:02,559 But getting really close to your goals 455 00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:06,215 and then having to start over is actually really frustrating. 456 00:18:06,389 --> 00:18:07,782 I know how that feels. 457 00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:09,392 Yeah, you do. 458 00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:10,567 I mean, talk about having to start over. 459 00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:12,613 You blew up your career so bad, 460 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,789 my movie was the only job you could get. 461 00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,007 Hey, not the only job. 462 00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:18,053 I also directed some 463 00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:20,490 sexual harassment training videos before this. 464 00:18:20,621 --> 00:18:22,753 Hey, Karen, I want you to come to my office 465 00:18:22,884 --> 00:18:25,756 and sit on a cake I bought. 466 00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:27,149 Sad. 467 00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:30,848 And you don't even have a family that loves you. 468 00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:33,634 But, you know, Reggie, that is why, 469 00:18:33,764 --> 00:18:35,592 no matter what happened today, I know for a fact 470 00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:38,378 you've been through worse. 471 00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:41,032 You know, if the Sisyphus guy had a dude he could talk to, 472 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,514 maybe the rock thing wouldn't have been so hard. 473 00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:47,691 I'm glad I have you, Arthur Tobin. 474 00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:51,347 We get each other, despite, you know, 475 00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:54,263 what your people did. 476 00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:57,136 What if Delilah was Carmelo's Sisyphus buddy? 477 00:18:57,310 --> 00:18:58,659 I mean, who else could understand 478 00:18:58,789 --> 00:19:00,400 what it was like to grow up the way they both did? 479 00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:02,271 With those fathers. 480 00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:04,491 Taught to hate another family for things that happened 481 00:19:04,621 --> 00:19:06,362 before they were even born. 482 00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:09,539 And they have a Rusty. 483 00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:12,499 And I broke them up. 484 00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:14,544 Yeah, I have to-- oh, what the hell? 485 00:19:14,675 --> 00:19:16,067 Oh, no. 486 00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:18,157 Slinky, no. No, Slinky, not in there. 487 00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:22,161 - When we come back... - OK, it's supposed to be on 488 00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:23,292 during this commercial break. 489 00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:24,772 With more dogs! 490 00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:27,253 Oh, this is it. It's on. 491 00:19:27,427 --> 00:19:29,820 Here's a touchdown that anyone can score. 492 00:19:29,951 --> 00:19:32,301 Vaccinate your kids against measles. 493 00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:34,869 You'd have to have a worm in your brain not to do it. 494 00:19:36,436 --> 00:19:38,264 Yay! 495 00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:40,701 - Aww. - Yes. 496 00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:43,356 But, Monica, that's from, like, the 1900s. 497 00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:44,922 How is it on TV? 498 00:19:45,009 --> 00:19:47,708 Well, I called the Ad Council with a new pitch. 499 00:19:47,795 --> 00:19:49,753 I realized they were going to need to make 500 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,365 a bunch of new PSAs for all those old diseases, 501 00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:55,542 or they could just rerun the ones they already had. 502 00:19:55,629 --> 00:19:57,500 And if the measles can make a comeback, 503 00:19:57,587 --> 00:19:59,067 so can Reggie Dinkins. - Yeah! 504 00:19:59,154 --> 00:20:00,851 Yeah. 505 00:20:00,982 --> 00:20:02,766 I said it from the start. 506 00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:04,507 I don't know what I'm doing anymore. 507 00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:06,161 And I never did. 508 00:20:06,335 --> 00:20:07,423 But if Max is right, 509 00:20:07,597 --> 00:20:08,859 and no one knows what they're doing, 510 00:20:09,033 --> 00:20:11,993 then we know as much as anyone. 511 00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:16,650 Knock, knock. 512 00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:19,348 Hey, Carmelo, can we talk? 513 00:20:19,479 --> 00:20:20,741 Oh. 514 00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:30,098 What does a teenage boy need with stamps? 515 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,319 He didn't even know what a stamp was two days ago. 516 00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:35,059 But then I remembered, 517 00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:38,062 I had seen those stamps somewhere. 518 00:20:38,193 --> 00:20:40,108 This where. 519 00:20:40,195 --> 00:20:43,024 Their breakup was a ruse for the cameras. 520 00:20:43,154 --> 00:20:44,112 They knew I was watching, 521 00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:46,941 and they planned it all via the post. 522 00:20:47,028 --> 00:20:49,204 Carmelo and Delilah didn't break up. 523 00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:51,206 They just went off the grid. 524 00:20:51,424 --> 00:20:53,426 Well, I have learned my lesson. 525 00:20:53,556 --> 00:20:55,645 And this time, I shall play no part 526 00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:59,736 in the inevitable drama. 527 00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:01,172 Truly. 528 00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:04,654 After all, who am I to come between a Reggie 529 00:21:04,785 --> 00:21:08,484 and his beloved Arthur? 530 00:21:08,571 --> 00:21:10,791 What people don't realize 531 00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:12,532 is that when they kiss an envelope, 532 00:21:12,662 --> 00:21:16,187 the mailman is the next person that handles that envelope. 533 00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,407 So the kiss goes to us. 534 00:21:18,538 --> 00:21:22,063 I mean, we deliver your mail, but we keep the kisses. 535 00:21:22,193 --> 00:21:24,108 We keep the kisses! 536 00:21:24,239 --> 00:21:25,893 - Good night, everybody. - Good night.